maintenance

"LORD, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws;

    our heart's desire is to glorify your name" - Isaiah 26:8

"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." - Hebrews 12:1-2

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
- 1 Corinthians 10:31

"Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace." - Romans 6:12-14

"...Now we can serve God, not in the old way of obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way of living in the Spirit." - Romans 7:6

"So we are Christ's ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us..."
- 2 Corinthians:20

"Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts." - Ephesians 5:17-19

"Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom that he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father."
- Colossians 3: 16-17

"For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts." - 1 Thessalonians 2:4

Who am I living for? Is my mind focused on God? 

Thank you Jesus, for this reminder. Need to 'up my game' for God!

So many verses, passages, letters. Jesus, I pray for wisdom and an obedient heart.

Honesty, acknowledgement,
walk away from pride and self
Face forward, eyes on Jesus
purpose; His glory
Solution: Word, prayer, church, accountability
thoughts, everyday - life, thankful, thanksgiving
Worship. Guard my heart tight.
Trust. Go on, I'm walking with you.
I can't; faithless. Picked up, every time.
 
        Excitement. Love. Hope. 

:') 

the difficult way

"You know. You could've come to Me first. Why didn't you? I'm always there, I was watching everything as it unfolded."

"You're right. As usual, You always are. And that's why You're awesome :D" 

And I started to pray. 

All I needed was a simple reminder from Him. 

I think many times, I live my life forgetting that God is watching my every move, and every situation that happens. And I forget that He's bigger and mightier than anything that my human mind can comprehend. That He's above every problem. 

And that's when I forget to pray about an issue. And then I end up doing things the difficult and unproductive way. But He's gracious, and He reminds me. 

"He never grows weak or weary,
     No one can measure the depths of his understanding" - Isaiah 40: 28  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take" - Proverbs 3: 5-6

Indeed, our God is greater, stronger, and higher than any other, and any thing on this Earth. His wisdom, strength, and understanding surpasses anything that can be found here on Earth, because He is God. And because He never grows weak or weary, He is our; and should be our; infinite source of strength and wisdom. We need to always draw our 'nourishment' from His well. 

Above all, I thank You that You're faithful, and full of mercy and grace. 

I thank You that You're a God who fulfils promises. Your promises are the things that I want to hold on to. 

Keep teaching me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Help me live according to Your will, even in difficult situations. 

p/s: "Remember how much I love you. You don't need to be upset, because you have My love. And My love is deeper, wider, longer, and higher than any love that you can find on Earth. Know that I understand your deepest desires and longings. But all you need to remember is that you have My love." 

Lessons in December

One month has nearly passed since I started interning at Edelman KL. It's a PR company, and the people there are absolutely wonderful. It was difficult when I had to weigh between taking up the internship offer between Edelman and Ogilvy (they offered me Advertising btw), but I'm so glad that I chose Edelman.

Over the course of this one month, I learned a few things: 

1. You start to learn everything from scratch. From the company's organizing systems, to how to write emails, press releases, pitching, etc. But it's all fun :) 

2. I really love PR, and that love might be bordering on obsession. 

3. MAKE FRIENDS. I'm fortunate to be working with great, brilliant people, and an even greater team. They look out for you and they've got your back. 

I made a mistake today, and was rightly reprimanded (although it was a tad bit harsh). But my team comforted me, cleared things up for me, told me it was 'okay, that things like that happen'; they guided me to make sure the same mistake wouldn't be made again; and my 'supervisor' (for lack of a better term) offered me some Japanese Plum Wine to calm my nerves (which works, if you'd like to know). She's a sweetheart. She's always really patient with me, taking time off to teach me although she's mad busy. 

How can I not feel welcomed and cared for in this team? :) 

4. It doesn't hurt to be nice and genuine. Besides getting a proposal done (or praise from your client/team, or making a new media friend), nothing beats seeing the smiles of your colleagues when you offer to help them with their 1001 things to do. Also, doing Random Acts of Kindness around the office is also extremely satisfying. Especially when your colleagues give you their brightest smile to show their appreciation for what you did. :) 

5. It also doesn't hurt to say NO. Being in PR, you need to learn how to manage your time, tasks, and priorities. We all experience the same thing (may be different in magnitude), but they understand. 

6. Let your team know whether or not you can complete on time the task that's given to you. Or if you need extra time for that matter. It would help them with their workflow, especially if they're waiting for you to send in a document that you did to be reviewed. At least they can organize their time and tasks to incorporate your schedule and pace. My team has been extremely gracious to me in that area. 

7. Work-life balance isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I find myself staying till 8, sometimes till 9 and when I go home, I'm dead tired. And I just become this anti-social workaholic. Although I'd like to think that I just don't like my work to be left uncompleted. Yeah. I'll go with that ;) 

8. Be eager to learn from everyone, not just your team. Different teams can offer you different perspectives. Different colleagues can teach you different things that they've learned over the years. And you can mix-and-match what you've been taught to find a system that you're most comfortable with. I've also learned the value of being humble in the workplace. You learn so much more! 

9. Attention to details. No matter what field you're in, paying attention to details is so important! I found out that I'm not as meticulous as I thought I was. I now find myself proof reading my emails at least 5 times before I send it to my team to be reviewed. And I think that's nuts. But oh well. 

10. You don't need to club or drink to fit in. My colleagues are amazing. They don't  really pressure you to do things you don't want to do. They do try to get you to come along, but they respect it when you decline firmly. 

Also, starting the day with God is so important to set the day right! When you start the day by spending some time with God, it sets the rest of the day for you. Somehow, you feel more patient, loving, hardworking, etc. And I'm constantly reminded to do my best for God, simply because I want to glorify God and declare His Lordship with my life. 

One of my favourite verses to start the week off as well: 

"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ"- Colossians 3:23-24

"Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people." - Philippians 2:14-15

On another note, I really should start blogging more often. 

Here's to a great 2013 with Jesus as my guide! 

p/s: Dear team, if you're reading this, know that I love all of you very much!

Now what?

So, it's finally over. Undergrad studies I mean. Never thought that this day would come, since I started studying at Monash 4 years ago. Now that I have time to actually sit down and let this whole "OMG-I'm-Graduating" episode sink in, I've come to this realization that I'm not as fearless as I thought I would be.

1. Friendship
The friends that I made in university are one of my most cherished relationships. They're genuine, albeit with ups and downs, but they're what they are- real. No hidden motives, no using friendship as an excuse to obtain something else, just pure love for each other. As I neared the end of my student life, I found myself asking this question, "will the friendships that I make at my workplace be as genuine as those that were cultivated in university?" My perception of university friendships could be discounted as naive or idealistic. But I have been blessed with amazing friends who have journeyed with me throughout these 4 amazing years. While I do look forward at making new friends when I start to work (Oh Lord, I hope that would be soon!), I wonder if it is wrong to have a reservation regarding these future friendships. 

2. Being jobless

Nothing much to say. I'm picky with jobs. I don't need to have a high-profile job, I just want to work in an MNC. Big companies which pay decently. Looking at how some of my friends had a difficulty finding jobs just scares me. But I doubt that I'd be jobless for a long time. :)) 

3. Now what? 

Yes, the big "Now What?" question. Now that I've graduated, what now? Do I want to do something purposeful with my life before applying for internships/jobs? What do I really want to do? What do I want my career line to be? Do I want to work here, or do I want to work elsewhere? What is my God's purpose for me at my workplace? 

Questions, questions, questions.
Above all, I am thankful that I have a God who is always with me and for me. I am secure, knowing that He is always there beside me, walking me through the different stages of life. 

the thing with relationships

It dawned upon me during an impromptu 'catch-up' session that I never really searched deeper as to why I feel this sense of liberation as a single girl. It was over a bowl of Snowflakes and an intense discussion on relationships when I realized that I never gave much thought to this area of my life.


As in the BGR kind. 


I just knew that I felt free. Unburdened. Happy. And all the other positive adjectives associated with those words. 
After putting much thought into this, I realized that I was just too tired to deal with  any emotional baggage that came with a relationship. The constant awareness of and having to include the other half into your plans, of worrying about his feelings, and contemplating about what ifs? All of it is just too emotional taxing and draining. 
But then I thought to myself, "But this whole emotional baggage crap thing comes with all relationships! It's not like you can remove this aspect of relationships, you just gotta deal with it and live selflessly". 
So maybe this isn't the reason, though it could very well be part of it. 
Just as I was too tired to think anymore, I had this epiphany. It's not the emotional baggage that's always associated with relationships; it's the act of leaving yourself open and vulnerable to that one particular man. It's the act of letting the stitching of your past wounds unravel; that emotional intimacy that's shared with that one special person. It's the 'opening yourself up to him on a whole new level' part- for lack of better words.
Because life is like a story. There are chapters you wouldn't want to re-read, but for that special person, you'd have to go through that painstaking process of rediscovering your past while at the same time, unlocking insecurities you never knew you had. 
Maybe that's why I don't want a boyfriend, at least not for awhile. And perhaps that's why I'm happy with where I am now. Simply because I'm too tired and wary to go through this whole process of rediscovering my self and being especially vulnerable to some dude whom I don't even know if he's The one.
Talk about self-defence for the soul. 
I think I need some chicken soup. 

ah, maturity

The process of growing up and maturing is a long and tedious one, and it must seem even longer for members of the XY chromosome. As a girl, the process of maturing has been one of complexity, and till this day, it continues to puzzle me. I've often wondered about the stages of maturing- initiation, transition, and finally, developing into a mature person- both physically and emotionally. Many times have I asked myself if I've bloomed into a mature young lady; but then, the question of "maturity" comes about. How can one define maturity? Or rather, how is maturity defined? There are times when I feel like I've finally crossed that 'mature' line, only to be told by my parents that I'm immature.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm more mature than most of my peers.

Or so I'd like to think. Maybe not.

Maturity. It brings to mind another question: Why do boys take a longer time to mature than girls? It makes me cringe to think that their childish behavior seems incessant. When will they ever grow up? WILL they ever grow up? Will there ever be a time when these boys can actually give you serious, rational, well-thought out opinions to life's questions?

I never got answers to any of those questions.

But that was me- 4 years ago, at 19. Freshmen at Monash, eager to enter a new phase of life and hopefully, to finally meet MEN.

Yum. Heh. I kid. ;)And I digress. 
You see, when girls get together, we talk. A lot. Usually about boys. Of course, there are other 'topics of interest', but we mostly end up talking about boys, rating them on a scale of 'dateable', or 'not dateable'. 
Yes. We friendzone guys. And yes, we're somewhat shallow at times. 
So there we were, mentally checking several guys off our list as dateable or not, until we came to a realization that...
THERE ARE ACTUALLY NO DATEABLE GUYS! OH THE HORROR!! 
Okay, so maybe they're not 'not dateable'. But we can never imagine dating any of these guys, simply because...they're boys. 
(Read 'boys' with a tone of disgust)

Naturally, what would follow would be a session of whining and complaining. Complaining about our fate; that we are bound to be spinsters because of the lack of men in our lives. So there I was, complaining ceaselessly, till this wise girlfriend of mine said something profound and rather life-changing:

"Maybe, we as girls should learn how to invest in guys. We always complain about the lack of guys, but maybe, we shouldn't treat them as 'off the counter' products. Instead, we should invest in their lives to see them mature into...you know, 'dateable men'"

Profound much.

So that was the story of how I came to ask a different question.
Now, with a little more maturity at the age of 22 (I hope!), and with many more wise, young girlfriends, I'm learning to ask, "What does it mean to invest in guys? How do I invest in them?" instead of "When will they ever grow up?"

Along the way of these 4 years, I've met many boys whom I've grown to love and cherish. They have been a vital and important part of my life, as well as my maturing process, and while I do complain from time to time about their immaturity,I'm proud to see them mature. I have come to love and respect them for being the men that they are today. Men in their own right.

No doubt that they did take awhile to mature. 4 years! But heck, it's fulfilling. And my job as their sister is to encourage them and to help them focus on what's important: on God, ministry, their dreams, how they should treat women, and also...
How we, as young ladies, view our men. Or what makes them a man. :) 
Ah, maturity. As I ponder over an ending for this post, I find myself asking another question. 
Why on earth did I write this? Maybe it's because of my tendency to think nonsensical thoughts during my free time. Worse, I think of my nonsensical thoughts as thought provoking. 
I think too highly of myself. Heh. 
Anyway.
You see, I have this friend. He's slightly older than the rest of us, but I've always seen him as a peer. Maybe because he's still studying. Maybe it's because of the way he acts, or the jokes that he makes. 
Or maybe it's because he finds disgusting things funny. 
But I realized that throughout our 4 years of friendship, I've grown to respect him. He has earned my respect because of his wisdom, and his love for God and all things godly. Because he's not afraid to reprimand us when we act un-Christian-like. Because he always pushes us, and myself, towards God. 
And then I come to another realization: 
That most of my male friends have been doing that for us girls. 
So, here's to all the men in my life. Here's to maturity-towards God, towards our future partners, and towards our friends and family. You have been nothing less than amazing, putting up with all of my (our!) crap, and yet, being so patient with us when we act like spoiled princesses. 
Ah, maturity. Like a few not-so-wise male friends used to say:

"Men are like wine. We 'taste' better as we get older. Women, however, are the opposite. They get sour as they grow older"

They did have a point. But they're deemed as 'not-so-wise' because of the feminist in me, and my female pride, refusing to admit that we become sour prunes as we age.

So, here's to my girlfriends as well! Let us all age gracefully, with warm hearts towards the people around us, even when they act in highly aggravating manners.

Yes, that's you, boys. :))

p/s: Thank you for letting us be part of that process of maturation :) 

epilogue: Boston

The wait is even more difficult. Only 3 hours left till I leave for Logan, and 6 hours till I fly out of my beloved Boston, and 11 hours till I leave the US of A.

Twas a good day. Called a few people, cried over the phone, jogged at the reservoir for the last time, went around BC taking the last few photos, watched a nerve-wrecking NBA game between the Celtics and Heat, and met up with a friend and had fro-yo, had my last Chipotle meal, cried some more.

My thoughts are jumbled right now. Amidst making a mental list of people to call and text and email, I'm trying to take in the serenity that Boston gives, as if I'm trying to absorb that serenity to make myself more at peace with leaving. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited to go back. Not as excited about leaving, but that's because Boston, and the States, and everything and everyone here has become such a big part of me, of my life, and of who I am. My time here has become a turning point in my life, a new chapter once opened and is now coming to a close. My experiences here now defines me. 

But, I look forward to seeing familiar faces. I look forward to hearing inside jokes, updates, serving in CF once again, eating Malaysian food, and just being in Malaysia. I look forward to seeing warm smiles, and hearing those joyous sounds of laughter at mamak stalls during our reunion makan sessions. I look forward to meeting new people. I look forward to sharing my amazing experiences here with anyone who's willing to listen. I look forward to being part of people's lives again. People whom I left behind to come here, and people whom I will be given the opportunity and the privilege of playing a part in their lives. 

Of course there are things that will be difficult for me to adapt to in Malaysia, but maybe, if it's anything that I've learned, it is to make the choice to look at things in a positive light. Not that I'm brushing away the negative aspects, but I need to learn how to not let fears and negativity get in the way of living. 

I also need to learn to let go, and let God. To look at things from His perspective. To look back one day and think, "Hey, now I know why He sent me to Boston, and why He only opened that door for 6 months". To look forward to and to look at going home from His eyes. 

Indeed, its coming to an end. Minutes have passed as I spilled my thoughts here, but I still have 6 hours before flying out of Boston, and 11 hours till I fly out of the States. 

It's the end of a wonderful chapter, and this is the epilogue. That would be a little odd though, because I will definitely continue blogging about Boston and about how much I miss being here. But I have the feeling that that would be the prologue of a new chapter. 

I feel calm now. Satisfied. At peace. Maybe because I know that someday, I'll be back. And I'll meet the people whom I love once again. Maybe, next time, I'll be back for a longer period of time. Maybe next time, I'll be back for good. 

Maybe, it's because Boston feels like home. 

Maybe, it's because Boston IS home. And that's why I know that I'll be able to come back and fall in love with it again and again. 

Right now, I'm going to start a new chapter. I don't know how the chapter would turn out like. I don't know who the characters are going to be, I'm unsure of how the plot would look like, or even the setting. What I know for sure is that there'll be a sequel to this story that I wrote about Boston. 

And I look forward to writing that sequel :')

incoherence

I usually spend time thinking about what to blog, simply because I don't want to write out an incoherent post. But sometimes, too much thinking makes the post seem too structured, too impersonal. And that's not how I'd like to write. Often times I find myself typing out a paragraph before hitting the CTRL+A+Delete combination.


So, I really don't know what this post is going to be about. Or what I'm even trying to convey. I only know that I need an outlet at this very moment. 
Because it hurts. It hurts to leave Boston and the States. It hurts to leave BC. It hurts the most, to leave behind the people I've met here. I know I've blogged about this before, about the pain of leaving, but the feeling just isn't going away. I know I can come back one day, but maybe what hurts the most is the idea that people might just forget me, forget who I am, and who I am to them. That is without a doubt, one of my biggest fears and insecurities. I don't want to return to Boston one day, only to be greeted with people who don't remember who I am. The people whom I've come to love and be personal with; people whom I've had the privilege of working with. People. Just every single one of them. 
It was a good decision to spend my last 2 weeks in Boston in solitude, without spending much time with anyone. And I thought I did well in that, till a few days ago, when I met up with the Malaysians, with different people from Symphony and BC. Honestly, a big part of me just wishes to scream out loud- to tell people that I don't want to see them before I leave, because that makes leaving so much more difficult. 
It makes it more painful. 
And I'm trying to shield myself from the pain. 
But I'm not strong enough to decline invitations to have a last supper together. And during those moments, the conversations that I have with these people, and the amount of love and care that they show me gives me a sense of security in my  relationship with them. That even if I were to come back only 10 years later, they'd still remember me, and that they'd still love me like they did. That our friendship mattered enough to them; that I mattered enough. 
I know people change. I changed too. Our friendship might change as well. But as long as the friendship hasn't gone stale, or forgotten, that's good enough for me. 
These days, it seems that the only thing for me to do to temporarily relieve myself of the pain is to cry. But it hurts, crying alone. I would like someone to hug me, to squeeze my shoulder. Tell me it's okay. And to assure me that I'll be back, and that they're looking forward to that day. Even if it's a lie, it would soothe the pain. Just like what Band Aid does when placed on a wound. It covers it, makes the wound feel a little better, but ultimately the healing comes from within. And the healing comes with time. 
I'm also scared of going home. There are just too many things going on at the same time- it gets overwhelming. I'm afraid of returning to Malaysia, returning to a culture I'd probably grow to dislike, returning to a place, a country that I can't bring myself to call home. Returning to a home that doesn't even feel like home. Afraid of being looked in the eye and hearing the words, "You've changed so much. What happened to the old you? I miss that". Afraid of moving back into my parent's house, living with them, and not having the freedom to live life independently. Afraid of not being able to 'fit in' with Malaysian-ness. 
I sound judgmental. I probably am. It's like I'm not giving life back home a chance. 
And maybe I shouldn't have met you. 
There are no words to describe the web of emotions that I'm feeling. And I'm too tired to even try. I only have a day left in this city that I love. 
I don't even want to think about it. 

Part 1: I remember: BC

It was as if things never changed... Things felt the way it did when I first arrived in Logan Airport; the fresh smell of the air, untainted by massive pollution, the rushed movements of Bostonians, hurrying to be punctual for appointments in their hectic schedule, Massachusetts drivers honking and being honked at by the 'T' drivers.

That feeling of awe that I felt when I first stepped into Boston College- amazed and captivated by the falling leaves during winter, trees and flowers which had lost their vibrant colors and leaves and petals, yet, maintained such a serene beauty amidst those dead branches. It was quiet. Students weren't rushing around yet because it was still winter break. And I walked through the main gate, past Corcoran Commons (before I knew that it was called 'Lower'), past Maloney (before I knew that the old name was Campanella Way), and stood in front of that beautiful grey-tiled staircase that seemed to go on forever. I remember feeling excited, but apprehensive; I imagine that that's how Lucy would've felt when she found Narnia in her cupboard. I remember walking up that unending staircase, taking in the smooth texture of the brass railings as I let my hands glide up the railing as I climbed the steps that lead to Middle Campus.

I remember feeling breathless when I reached the top. I remember thinking how unfit I was, panting, and wondering if I had to use this torturous staircase everyday to get to class.
I remember breathing a sigh of relief, as I found out that I could use the elevators in Maloney to get to Middle Campus. 
I remember walking around Middle Campus, soaking in the unpolished beauty of the Gothic architecture of Gasson and Devlin, reading the Biblical inscriptions on those buildings- "And the Truth will set you free". Time seemed to have stood still when the bells of Gasson rang, reminding everyone on campus of its majestic presence. And I remember how I loved hearing the sound of those bells ringing.
6 months later, and I still feel the same way I did when I first came here.  
It was as if things never changed...
That same feeling of awe, amazement, and the captivation by the beauty of Boston College. But, things did change. Those feelings are now accompanied with a sense of familiarity, love, pride and joy. They are now accompanied with a sense of belonging, of what it means to be an Eagle- a BC student. I still stand in front of Gasson, and I still love the sound of the bells ringing, but I stand here now with fond memories of BC. Memories of pulling all-nighters, memories of having Family Group in Gasson 201. Memories of having Communication Research Methods in Gasson 303. 
It was as if things never changed, but I now make a clear distinction between BU and BC. I laugh and poke fun at BU (no hard feelings!), and am proud of our strong rivalry. I'm proud of our Ice Hockey team who won National Champions, 3 times in 5 years. I've even managed to instill BC pride in some of my visiting friends, even friends who come from other colleges. And they start dissing BU as well, jokingly. Haha. 
It was as if things never changed...but they did. School ended a few weeks ago, and BC is once again empty, just like when I first arrived. But it's summer now, and the trees and flowers which were once dead now bloom with beautiful leaves and petals, showing a different kind of beauty to BC than when I first arrived. I now stand in front of Gasson with an Eagle's knowledge of BC grounds. Campanella, Lower, McElroy, Eagle's Nest, Devlin, McGuinn, Carney, Upper, Bapst, the Million Dollar Staircase, ONeil. And I stand tall, I stand proud. Proud because I've had the amazing privilege of being a part of BC. Proud because I love what being a BC student means. Proud because BC is part of my Alma Mater. Proud because I've had so much love from everyone around me, here at BC.
BC will forever hold a special place in my heart. And the people I've met here at BC will always have a special place in my heart too. 
Go Eagles! :') 

home

Lying down on my bed with my head propped up against a pillow, sipping green tea, unchanged from the clothes that I wore to school, has become a new routine; one which I often find comfort in. Too much comfort perhaps. That sense of familiarity, comfort, and how I call 25 Gerald 'home' scares me. It scares me because, it actually isn't my home. Or is it? To think that I need to go back to Malaysia in 2 months breaks my heart. To leave all that I hold dear behind. The people that I've met, the city I've come to love, the school I've come to be proud of, the house that gives me rest and refuge when I so desperately need it.

And now, as I'm once again lying on the bed, this time with my laptop propped up at an awkward angle on my lap, I contemplate on how things will be like back in Malaysia. How different. How foreign. And I wonder if things will ever be the same again. 
The US used to be a dream. It didn't matter which school I attended, as long as I could study in the States. But that dream has become a realization, and it's no longer enough to just treat it as a memory, a dream that was realized. While I'm aware that it's been an opportunity that many don't get, it's not enough for me. I've experienced it. 
I want more.So much more. 
It makes me sound selfish. Or maybe I really am selfish. I often wonder, where my heart lies. With the States? Malaysia? The people I've come to know here? Or the people back home? It seemed as though I was so ready to leave Malaysia 4 months ago. Going home has never been harder. 
Going home has never felt like leaving home. 
People might tell me that I don't need to choose, that I can love both at the same time. That I can love the US and Malaysia, and love the people here and back home all at the same time.
But that's not true. 
Because ultimately, you can't love everyone, or everything, the same. One takes precedence over the other. One becomes a priority, while the other is sidelined. 
I often imagine the night I arrive in Malaysia, when I'm back in my single bed at home, staring at the ceiling, inhaling the familiar scent of home, that I would think of my time in the States as a dream. A fantastic dream which sadly, had to come to an end. Like the time when you dreamed about getting married to that amazing guy, but you never knew the ending because your alarm clock rang. 
Maybe, coming back to the States is another dream. Maybe coming back to BC is another dream. Dreams that I hold close to my heart, and hope to realize one day. 

my generasi

"Angkat! Jatuh! Angkat! Jatuh!"
I almost forgot those words since I left school slightly more than 4 years ago. It brought back a sense of nostalgia, and a tinge of sadness that I no longer experienced this in college and university. 
And now that I'm in the States, and have been in the States for nearly 5 months now, I'm really proud to call myself a Malaysian. That sense of community, of genuine friendships, of how we're so respectful towards one another, of how we're so...Malaysian. There's just no other words to describe it. While I love being in the States, and while I love how certain things are done here, there are many aspects of Malaysia that I long for. 
I long for the days back in primary school. Where we'd play Batu Seremban, or Tali, write "Daddy-cation" notes on books, pass secret messages on paper, secretly eat in class, and be reprimanded by the Pengawas for not tucking in your shirt. 
Those were days when things were more carefree. When I cared less about what others thought. When appearance didn't take so much precedence. When we talked about anything and everything under the sun without worrying about social norms. When we just allowed our inner selves to roam free with no constraints.
It saddens me how I've suddenly become so attached to Facebook, to my mobile phone, to Skype, and all the other gadgets out there that has been eating away at my social life. Not that I'm any 'less social', I mean, hey, I've got 1500 friends on Facebook! But maybe the fact that people are so accessible now, makes me feel like I've taken them for granted. Gone were the days where we used to make concrete plans after school, and no one would FFK us because they didn't have a phone they could use to text "Hey, something came up, can't make it. Sorry". 
I love how this video is so raw, and how it captures almost so perfectly and exhaustively life as a Malaysian student. No plot, no trying to be all Hollywood. Just, Malaysian. Pure and simple. 
My generation. It's become history now, but I love it. And I'm glad that I was a part of it :) 

solitude

Gasson 303

It was 8.45a.m.  I rushed up the stairs, panting, till I reached 303. The hallways were empty; it was just like any other week. I pushed open the heavy door to reveal an empty classroom. It was just like any ordinary day. But there was something breathtaking about the way the empty classroom looked like: sun shining through the windows forming rays of light on the desks. I was reminded again, how BC was such a beautiful place.

But today was no ordinary day. There was something peculiar about the way the empty classroom felt so peaceful, so serene. Maybe I just never stopped to appreciate the beauty of solitude. I was always too busy running around doing something, being afraid to be alone doing nothing. 
And as my heart continued to marvel at the beauty of those empty desks, I realized that I needed to, in a sense, capture the moment. If only I could immortalize that feeling of peace and serenity in a picture...if only. 
And maybe, it isn't such a bad idea to sit alone once in awhile. Just, maybe :) 

maybe, just, maybe

Image from We Heart It via Tumblr

Here I am, blogging, instead of completing my mid-term paper that's due Friday morning. 
So I was just browsing through an old friend's Facebook profile, and saw that he posted on his ex-girlfriend's wall. Just a simple ":)" post, but there was a little feeling that welled up in my sappy little heart. And I think, "Hey. It would be nice if they got back together".
Don't know the chances of that happening, because I think she's gotten another boyfriend already, but it was just one of those "awww" moments. 
I started out writing this post without having an end in mind, without having a specific thing that I wanted to write about. But, if I were to really look into my heart right now, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want that. I've been single for awhile now, and while it feels great, it's just nice to wake up to a "Hey you :)" text. 
Not exactly a "Hey you" but I didn't want to make it sound so disgusting. :)
I've not been single for so long, since a few years ago, and it feels weird. But it's good. I suppose it's the period where I'm learning to appreciate relationships and the baggage and love that comes with it. And I'm learning to appreciate seeing the boys around me grow up into men :') So proud!
Maybe, more importantly, I'm seeing ME grow up. When you're alone, you start to realize that there's so much to learn about other people. You start to realize that the little things that you do really makes someone's day. It could even be getting someone's name right. Or just remembering someone's name the next time you meet. 
I've learned to be, or at least, I hope that I've learned to be less self-absorbed. That all the time in the world has to be spent on what is really important, instead of what I think is important. Less time on worrying about the future, on studies, on my own feelings, and more on people, their history, their worries and their dreams. 
Maybe I should save this post as a draft. Or maybe I should post it. I don't know. It doesn't seem to have an organized structure. But maybe, that's the beauty of it. That things don't have to have structure. That it's just out there, raw, honest, transparent.
Maybe. Just, maybe. 
On a side note, there's a great Project 365 on Wordpress. "If you were going to blog about one thing for an entire year, what would you choose?"
I've chosen.

People. :) 
p/s: Such a dilemma, but I was deciding between "Maybe, Just Maybe" and "Project 365" for the title. Either way, title sounds misleading hahapp/s: I think, I should continue on that mid-term. ppp/s: Maybe, just, maybe :) 

chapter 3- this time

So this is it. A new chapter of my life. Only 4 hours till I leave the grounds of Malaysia, to study abroad for half a year in the States. 
It's so surreal. It's been a lifelong dream for me, ever since I was a little girl. To finally be able to do so, it feels frightening, exciting, unreal. 
The places which were once familiar to me back home, now sort of have an empty feel to it. My room looks bare; I drove the car around Subang for the last time, and I wondered how it'd feel like to come home after 6 months. Will things be the same? Change could be metaphorical, even literal. With the General Elections coming, it is a pity I won't be around to vote. Or maybe I will. 
I'll be seeing new faces in a couple of days. Back home, it'd be the CF which I looked forward to every semester. People whom have never failed me as friends, although I've failed them many times. People who always greet me with such bright smiles, like I mattered. They made me feel like my existence makes a difference in their lives. I hope it does. Random outings and suppers. New people in campus to befriend, and hopefully, to impact. New bonds made over new KGs each semester. 
This time, it's no longer the MCF. It's no longer familiar faces. No more Brandon, Ernest, Andrew, Melissa, Sara, Charmain, Wilson, Jarrod. No more Chris and Andrew Lin. No more Cae Me.No more Lei, Mel, Mei, Lisa and Wan. :(This time, it's the ACF. Instead of Wednesdays, it's Fridays now. This time, instead of leading, I'll be lead. It's a refreshing change (: This time, the focus is not much on poverty-stricken areas and countries, but something called the 'Urban Ministry'.This time, it's no longer FGT on weekends. No more being on worship duty on the keyboard, or piano, or even singing. 
Honestly, I AM a little afraid. I've a feeling that maybe, just maybe, God intends to 'stretch' me while I'm in Boston. But it will be a good encounter with Him. And I hope to take home a fresh perspective on Christianity, on evangelism, on discipleship, on love. 
I shall digress a little here. 
I always thought that the people being left behind would be hit the hardest. But I've changed my mind. It's pretty hard on the one leaving as well. But I would not have realized the treasures that I've had in my life if I didn't have to go to a new environment.
Especially with regards to the people in my life. Amazing people, and I've been blessed that they've chosen to be friends with me. The times when I was down, or even when I have something to shout about, they were there. And they always will be. I've so much to learn from them, and I hope to bring 'them' there with me to the States. Not literally. 
I hope to bring their care, love, friendship and selflessness with me. Thank you all for teaching me these priceless values. 
The time is now 3:30 pm. And my goodness! How I feel upset at not having a piano to play at any moment that I choose to. I hope I will still remember how to play with I come back. Or even better...to play while I'm in Boston! (: PRAY FOR THAT! Haha!
This time. It is the closing of a really old chapter, and the beginning of a new one. (: I'm excited! Bring it on! (: 
Keep me in prayer people! 

The Package

I wonder why I've always felt the need to be doing something constantly. I'm just unable to sit still for even 5 minutes. I'd get uncomfortable and be thinking that "hey, I could do something with this 5 minutes." Whatever it is, even talking nonsense to people counts. 

It dawned upon me last week during the CF farewell, that I was too engrossed in getting top results, for assignments and exams, that I lost sight of what was important. What have I been doing for the past 3 years in Monash? I've chased good results, that's all. Sure, I was fun at times when I wasn't bogged down with assignments, but that was it. I don't think I invested much in people's lives. At least, not as much as I could. My priorities were all wrong. Well, it wasn't exactly wrong to prioritize studies, but to make that my ultimate focus was just...not very wise. 

Unfortunately, I learned that a little too late. I have a semester in Boston, maybe two. Maybe I'll have a semester in Monash too. But those years that I wasted, chasing after grades, when I could've done so much more for the people around me. 

God wanted me to spend time with Him today. With exams looming, quiet times have been a bit rushed, with me feeling tired at the end of the day. He caught my attention today, giving me this longing to just be still with Him. Listening to Kari Jobe's "You Are For Me", singing along, meditating on the lyrics, and just really. Being still in His presence. Doing absolutely nothing. And that felt really good. My heart broke. God Almighty, had to catch MY attention, just so He can spend time with me. It's as if I was God =.= But yet, I was important enough to Him for Him to do just that. That reminds me of how much He wants to spend time with us. Even if it's just 10 minutes. I'm not pursuing Him enough. 

It was refreshing. I cried. I don't know why I did either. I just know that I felt very broken inside. It was truly a joy to "be still and know He is God". 

Unfortunately, it won't be long till I go back to my fast-paced routine of chasing material things. And it won't be long till God catches my attention again. But I'm glad that He has brought me to this place of realization. And I know I will do so much more for Him while in Boston. As much as I regret not realizing this earlier, I'm glad God made me realize this while I'm still a student. 

It was a lesson well learned today. Too often have I been going around and doing things, for myself, for people, and for God that I forgot the importance of sitting quietly with Him. I'm glad He reminded me. He's been knocking on my heart for quite a long time I should think, but I was distracted and I didn't answer that knock. But when I did, there was a package for me. On the package read: To Lindley. With Unfailing Love from God. And inside that package, was joy, peace and overwhelming love. I was too busy chasing after things that I nearly missed what God wanted to give to me. Maybe He's been knocking on your door to give you a package too? (:

Chapter 1

It was amazing. The first few months of our relationship. So much passion. All I wanted to do was to make him happy, no matter what it took. I'd rush to do things for him, to spend time with him, to do everything and anything that I could within my capacity; and perhaps even more. I would hang on to his every word, do what he asked me to do, read whatever he asked me to read. It was exciting, discovering the depths of his love for me in the initial stages of the relationship. When I couldn't meet him, or spend time with him, I'd get angry with the people preventing me from doing so, although he told me not to get angry. The fullness of his love reached the depths of my soul, and I'd cry because it was just too amazing to be true. I'd tell everyone about his love for me, and how amazing he is and how people just HAD to meet him. 
A year passed by, and I grew up. I matured, in a sense. And he no longer was enough for me. His love was still amazing, but it did not touch me as it did at the start. I no longer placed him above everything else. Things began to take priority. Studies, CF, friends, family, serving and dreams. I sidelined him occasionally, spending time with him when I wanted to, pushing him aside when I had 'better things to do'. I still did things to please him, although sometimes albeit grudgingly. But it was amazing. He never forced me to do anything I didn't want to. But I did it because I remembered the depth of his love for me. I still got excited at times when I got to see him, but only at times. But more often than not, it was more of like a side thing when I remember that I'm seeing him that I go "Oh. Right. Seeing him today. YAY!" But it was no longer that constant joy and yearning to see or spend time with him. I no longer told people about his love; they only heard about it when they asked, and that's when I would tell them in a voice that sounds a bit more sensible, more matured compared to the excited, childish voice last time.
2 years passed. Maybe a little more. Our relationship didn't grow sour, but it just became...dull. It no longer had that spark. No more passion, no excitement. At least, that's what I felt on my part. He kept trying to show me how much he still loved me, despite all my flaws. And as I look back, it's amazing, how his love for me never diminished- not even one bit; although I had compartmentalized him in my life, when I was studying or out with friends. I guess, it eventually got to the stage where I really couldn't be bothered about our relationship anymore. I guess, I was still selfish. I still cared about whether he loved me as much as he used to; 2 years ago; but I couldn't be bothered to put back the passion into the relationship. I didn't care if I spent any time with him, although he waited for me to talk to him every night- without fail. 
And then. It deteriorated from there. I no longer cared about the relationship. I no longer wanted to do anything to pick the relationship up. I was just this close to giving the relationship up; if it weren't for his love. And the fact that we used to have a real relationship. I no longer listened to him at all. I guess he tried to tell me that he's still there in my life; still present, but I just couldn't hear it. Maybe I blocked it out. 
I'm just too tired. I'm on the verge of calling it quits, but I won't because we had such a real relationship. 
Maybe I need you to pick me up again. To let me know that you still love me as much as ever. And that you'll forgive me for all that I did; for all the hurt and disappointments. And that you'll welcome me back into your arms without a second thought. 
I want us to go back to where we were. Actually, I want to know you better. I want to have a stronger passion for you. And to learn to put you first above all else. And to not take your love and mercy for granted. I want to be that excited girl once again. 
This story does not have an ending. I hope there never will be. As of now, I don't know what's going to happen next, but I guess, I'll just have faith. (: 

Musings: Religion [1]

So, I'm going to be quite honest and transparent here. 
I've been doing some 'soul-searching'/reflecting on what it means to be a Christian. What does it mean to be set apart, yet not separate; to be in the world but not of the world. Or as Christian jargon would put it, to be "salt and light"; to be relevant yet righteous. 
And this question has been troubling me for quite a bit.
I guess, the deeper question that I was asking is, how am I living my life out as a Christian? What makes me different from any other person out there who isn't a believer? I honestly don't see any difference. To put it bluntly, I'd say I'm like an 'atheist leaning towards Christian values'. But that's not entirely accurate either, because I believe in God, and I have a relationship with Him. 
Okay. Maybe more like a 'theist leaning towards Christian values'. I've been wondering, if I'm gone from Monash, did I make a difference in anyone's life? Have I impacted the students there in any way? Would they miss me because I'm friendly, nice, helpful, etc, or would they miss me because there was something different in the way that I lived my life; because I made a difference in theirs? 
I don't know if I'm making sense here, I hope I am. 
Christians always talk about becoming a living testimony- something which I think I'm not. If I were to look at myself from another person's POV, I don't think I embody anything Christ-like. Maybe just a few values here and there.  I know that's where the whole "we are works in process" thing comes in, but I'm still not satisfied with the way I live my life. I feel something is wrong somewhere, but I just cannot place a finger as to exactly what is wrong. 
Maybe I'm concerned. Maybe I'm concerned that I'm not that concerned about living a Christ-like life. Actually, I am, since I've been thinking about it. But I don't think I've been doing anything as to 'rectify' it. 
I've been thinking. What does it mean to be a Christian?
Does it mean that you go to church every weekend, go to CF, listen to Christian music, fellowship with Christians, read Christian books, blogging about Christian stuff, sounding holy, etc.
I wonder how non-Christians define us Christians. Does going to church make you any more a Christian than one who does not? 
Do you see where I'm going with all of this? I know the typical answer as to what it means to be a Christian is to be a follower/disciple of Christ. But again, what makes one a follower of Christ? I hear so many sermons about being so ready to lay down your life for Him; to let Him take the wheel of your life, etc. But how can a non-Christian tell the difference between him/her and a believer? 
I don't know. Sometimes I think we (myself included) spend too much time trying to appear 'Christian' that I think less of trying to be Christ-like.
Which brings me to another question: What does it mean to be Christ-like?
The most common answer would probably to be someone who 'loves their neighbours as themselves'. I look at Jesus' life. And I see something so common in all the Gospels- He spent most of his time with the 'untouchables'; tax collectors, prostitutes, diseased, etc. 
Translate that into modern day terms. I mean we certainly don't deal with tax collectors on a daily basis. But we certainly do bump into the less noticed, the less popular, the lonely, the less accepted, the handicapped. Maybe even the'sinners' (inverted commas because I think Christians nowadays tend to judge 'sin' by the 'weight' of it, instead of looking at sin as it is-sin); people who smoke, take drugs, appear gangster-ish. In fact, sometimes when I spend time with people like that, there's this nagging thought in my head that goes: "OMG. What if some CF-er/ church goer passes by at this moment and sees me with these people? What will they think of me? 
Come to think of it. I don't know why I had those thoughts in the first place. I mean, hello! It happened to Jesus too! With the Pharisees. 
As for the less noticed...I certainly have noticed them, but that has not spurred me to take any action. To genuinely know them and be friends with them. To have lunch with them or something. And that's why Rachel catches my attention every time. See, she hangs out with this girl with cerebral palsy called Jo Leen. Not that I avoid her, I just don't make an effort to look out for her. And to me, seeing Rachel walk slowly so that Jo Leen can walk at a comfortable pace makes me notice that something is different about Rachel. Because I see no one else making the same effort. And I truly see her passion for missions, and for God. She stands out, more than anyone else that I know, even in the CF. Not because she blogs about Christian stuff, and goes for mission trips, but. Something just radiates out you know? You can just tell something is different, because she has Jesus.
I don't know. I think I'm starting to become incoherent. And I still have not yet gained the answer to my question: What does it mean to be a Christian; to live a Christ-like life in today's world? Does it just mean to love as Christ did? 
p/s: Just random thoughts. I know I'm supposed to answer this question for myself, but I was just trying to make sense of things.pp/s: Note to self: Must make an effort when I notice people now! 

Conversation With God: 1

So. I wanted a lesson from God today. And it was in the middle of church that this happened.
I was thinking about my conversation with Christina & Carmen on Skype. They asked me what my passion is, and I said "people". Thus I began wondering. How do I love people more? How do I invest in the lives of the people put under my care?

And suddenly, this happened:-

"Lindley, do you love me?"
"Of course Lord!"

I payed attention quickly, because something told me that God was going to teach me something new today. Another aspect of love that I'd never really thought about.
Honestly, I felt it was like a trick question. Like really. God won't simply ask this kind of question without a purpose right! And I felt like I answered too quickly =.=

So. That question got me thinking. And I asked myself. Do I truly love God?
I think God must've seen my brain working overtime, because that's when He asked again:-

"What does love mean to you?"
"Well. Love. I think its sacrificial. Unconditional. You want to share the joys and pains of the people whom you love."

And then. I got stuck again in answering beyond that.

"Har. Takkan so shallow meh. I really don't know what love is! GG lor."

And then He asked again. "Think about it in terms of music. You know how much you love music. Think about the things you have done in pursuit of music."

It began to make more sense to me. Music. I've spent countless hours searching online for tutorials, for Youtube videos on instrumental music. For online sheet music that I wanted to play so badly. I visited music forums and shared my passion for music with the people there. I would study music, and be amazed at music's science. I spent hours playing the piano, just basking in the melodies that came with the tinkling of those black and white keys. And I experienced joy. I felt... connected. And it never failed to make me the happiest person on earth, after playing the piano.

"Go on. What would you be willing to do in pursuit of music?"

Well. I would... sacrifice my time just to learn about it. I would go to wherever music calls me. If it was to perform, or to study, or even make an observation, I would. I would teach music to people who can't afford it, just because I want them to have the same joy that I feel with music. The minute anyone asks me to do something that's got to do with music, I'd instantly say Yes. I wouldn't be selfish with the music scores that I found, because it truly gives me joy and I want others to feel the same way. The joy of finding a music sheet that is so rare. I would persevere until I find that rare score, and wouldn't budge till I find it.

"Now. Do you love me?"

At that moment, I was going "Oh crap. I knew this was a trick question!" And then I thought about it. I always say that I love God, and that I love people. But that 'love' cannot even be compared to the love that I have for my music. And then I started to see the analogy.

With music, I'd spend so much time and effort looking for music scores online. And these take hours. And I haven't been doing the same with God. I don't recall ever spending hours with God, just reading His word and being so excited about it as I am over finding a rare music score. I've never sacrificed as much time for God as I have for music.

With music, I'd persevere till I find that rare music sheet. Nope. I've never persevered with God. Not in the sense that I backslid and turned my back on God, but more towards not persevering to hear from God during my quiet times with Him. I never was patient enough to wait for Him to speak to me. I'd wait for 2 minutes, and then think to myself, "Hm. God's not speaking today. Imma go do something else". I've also never persevered in prayer. After 2 weeks of praying for the same thing with God not answering, I'd give up totally. I never persevered enough for God to answer my prayers. Compare that to me not budging till I find a rare piano score. =.=

With music, I'd share my joy with anyone who was willing to listen. And the words coming from my mouth about how much I love music was nothing compared to my body language when talking about it. My eyes would widen and sparkle, I'd start speaking quickly and my hands would wave around the air, and there would just be some sort of joyful/bouncy emotion when I talk about music. I would constantly be smiling when I talk about music. And if I say I love God, it should be the same way when I talk to people about God, be it sharing the Gospel, or sharing my experiences with God. More often than not, I think I make Christianity seem like a very boring thing. I should be pumping with excitement for God when I tell people about Him! And it is not just by my words alone, but through my body language as well. People should see the joy that resonates within me just because I have Jesus. Also, I should be sharing the Gospel with anyone who was willing to listen because of the passion that I have for Christ.

With music, I'd instantly say Yes! to anyone who asks me to do something related to music. With God. Well. Not only would I say no, but I'd also at times grumble and ask "Why me-lah?..." followed with 1001 excuses on why I should not do whatever God asked me to do. If God were to ask me to go to Nepal to do missionary work, I'd most likely tell him "OMG CANNOT LAH GOD. Choose someone else can? I will die there. Like. Really. You know I cannot tahan one!". But with music, if someone were to ask me to go there to teach music to the kids there, or anything music related, I'd say "I'd love to go!" and equip myself so that I'd be able to get my message/teachings across.

Clearly, I didn't like where this was going. But really. God has His own ways of teaching you things. And at the most random of moments.

"God. If You ask me to compare You to music-ah, then really lor. It's like. I don't love you like that. And some more I've been telling people how much I love You. Woah. Really lor God. Now I feel quite emo."

I didn't hear Him laugh, but I definitely could feel Him smile.
And I didn't like what I heard next as well.

"Well. Now. You know what to do"

And at this point I could imagine God winking at me while He said that.
Of all the nerve! LOL.
*I'd like to think that God has a sense of humour."

Today's lesson hit me hard. And with God choosing the most random moments to teach me stuff like that, I could've missed it. The only reason why I didn't was because I got up today, and made it a point first thing in the morning to say "God. This is my first time doing devotions in the morning. Please make it worth it okay. Like. Don't make it discouraging for me. I want to hear from You today." So I guess, that tuned my ears to hearing from God, even with all the noise around me.

So. That was that. I thought our conversation ended there, and that was the lesson He had for me today. But wahlao! No lor. The speaker today asked us to open our bibles to Luke 10:25. Yes. The story about the Good Samaritan and loving your neighbour as yourself. And the speaker went through a few key points on how to love the people around you. Not necessarily the people whom you know personally. Just people.

And that. Answered the question that I first began this blog post with. How do I love people more? But that's another post for another day. (:

Really God? Not funny okay. I wasn't prepared for such a huge lesson today.
Or maybe I was. Because I felt like the happiest person in the world after. I felt blessed, and my spirit was renewed. (:

p/s: Thank You Father, for the lessons You teach me. And the ways in which You help me to see and understand things. <3 I'm sorry for all the times I nonchalantly said that I love You, without thinking about what it truly means to LOVE You. Help me to live the life that truly shouts "I LOVE JESUS" (: 

Oh, Happy Day!

Today was an amazing day, with so many random blessings throughout. I'll list the things that made my day down because there are so many (:

1. Global Cultures lecture ended an hour earlier. Yay!
2. Someone *ahem* has a broad chest. And it was right in my face. Eye level. Woah sei.
3. Because lecture ended early, I could have lunch with Andrew (:
4. Finished all my readings on time for tutes.
5. Told people stories of my bimbotic-ness today and made them laugh loudly :D
6. Jarrod bought a couple of orange mango sorbets for us who were sitting at the booth, and it was awesome!
7. Got to talk to someone very dear to me in the morning (:
8. Mom didn't cook for me today because I told her not to. But Dad gave me some of his portion to eat cos he knew I love spaghetti. :')
9. Had a little girl talk with Carmen in our little secret corner (:

Random note/blessing: I was walking out of Monash in the heavy drizzle/rain and had to walk for quite a bit to get to my dad's car, which was on the opposite side of the road and was stuck in a jam. I put a book on top of my head as I walked because it was starting to rain quite heavily, and I was just thinking to myself, "*sigh*. If only there was a guy who'd shield me from the rain with an umbrella now".

I was quite resigned to the fact that I wouldn't have any chivalrous man do that for me, until a car door opened and a man came out and offered me an umbrella (':

Woah. Super made my day.
Thank you random stranger, whoever you are. You've helped reassure me that there still are good men around. (':

Rainy day. But an amazing day, with countless blessings (: 

p/s: Thank You God, for all the random-est, little-est blessings in my life. And thank You for reminding me that the little things in life are important as well. Thank You that even when I walk out on the street in the rain, you protect me and make sure I'm okay and that I'm not wet. Thank You for that man with the umbrella. (':

Day 9- I Pray for Change In

Malaysia; for clean elections, for good people to be elected into the government; people with hearts, passion and compassion for the people of Malaysia; for transparency; for a mutual understanding and respect between all citizens; for fairness in the justice system; and more importantly, for God-fearing men to lead the country.

Myself; to be more real in my Christian life; to learn how to see things from a different perspective; to have more love for the people around me; to be less selfish and more selfless; to be humble, submissive, and to approach all things in humility; for a stronger passion for Jesus; for a deeper love for my country; for a more compassionate spirit; and more importantly, to grow to become a woman after God's own heart.

Churches; to be more relevant to society; to care more for its people; to not have a
church-y/building-ish attitude towards Christianity; to challenge Christians to be set apart from the world; to challenge Christians to be practical in today's world; to challenge Christians to be more real in their circles; to be more supportive for missions; to have a stronger passion to intercede, to pray, and to support change in the country; and more importantly, to always remember that God is the head of the church, and that we serve God, not the church, and not men.

United States; to have a spiritual revival; for a decrease in immorality; for more bold Christians to stand up and stand out to make a difference in the country; for economic growth; to be a leader not only in economics or politics, but also in Christian spirituality; and more importantly, for them to remember that they can ignite good change all over the world with the power that they have.