the thing with relationships

It dawned upon me during an impromptu 'catch-up' session that I never really searched deeper as to why I feel this sense of liberation as a single girl. It was over a bowl of Snowflakes and an intense discussion on relationships when I realized that I never gave much thought to this area of my life.


As in the BGR kind. 


I just knew that I felt free. Unburdened. Happy. And all the other positive adjectives associated with those words. 
After putting much thought into this, I realized that I was just too tired to deal with  any emotional baggage that came with a relationship. The constant awareness of and having to include the other half into your plans, of worrying about his feelings, and contemplating about what ifs? All of it is just too emotional taxing and draining. 
But then I thought to myself, "But this whole emotional baggage crap thing comes with all relationships! It's not like you can remove this aspect of relationships, you just gotta deal with it and live selflessly". 
So maybe this isn't the reason, though it could very well be part of it. 
Just as I was too tired to think anymore, I had this epiphany. It's not the emotional baggage that's always associated with relationships; it's the act of leaving yourself open and vulnerable to that one particular man. It's the act of letting the stitching of your past wounds unravel; that emotional intimacy that's shared with that one special person. It's the 'opening yourself up to him on a whole new level' part- for lack of better words.
Because life is like a story. There are chapters you wouldn't want to re-read, but for that special person, you'd have to go through that painstaking process of rediscovering your past while at the same time, unlocking insecurities you never knew you had. 
Maybe that's why I don't want a boyfriend, at least not for awhile. And perhaps that's why I'm happy with where I am now. Simply because I'm too tired and wary to go through this whole process of rediscovering my self and being especially vulnerable to some dude whom I don't even know if he's The one.
Talk about self-defence for the soul. 
I think I need some chicken soup.