humbling thoughts

There are days where I have a disagreement with a friend, or I lose my patience over what is a seemingly small matter, or even have nasty thoughts, that I feel like I'm inadequate. More than that, I feel like I've failed as a Christian. I sometimes would like to kid myself into thinking that I'm just being 'real'- without any pretense, without hypocrisy; that who you see is who you get, and who I really am. If anyone had the ability to read minds (God forbid), they'd be shocked at the atrocity of my thoughts. I have and I still am guilty of silently judging people from the depths of my heart, from every possible aspect- from physical looks to intelligence, and even one's spiritual maturity. 
Among some of life's mysteries to me is how people can be so self-composed. How Christians can be so self-composed. How they can be so loving, putting others first and their feelings second, willing to accept defeat in an argument for the sake of protecting others from the hurt that entails having disagreements. There was a point in time where I would scoff at those Christians, because I honestly believed that they were merely putting up a facade, just so they appear Christian-y. 
Oh, how wrong was I. 
Now, as a more mature Christian, and as one who knows God more intimately, there are days where I do still feel like a failure, especially among all of my Christian friends. And by this, I do not mean that I have a "holier-than-thou" attitude among my non-Christian friends; it's just that I seem to lack so many 'qualities' that other 'good' Christians typically have: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. 
What kind of fruit am I bearing?
And then I am gently reminded by my Father that it is not always about how I feel about myself. It is about how He looks at me, and how He has redeemed me. And I'm reminded that it is not about what I've done, or what I do, but it is about His grace and faithfulness. That although I feel like I've failed as a Christian, He still loves me and calls me His. Despite the countless times when I've failed and disappointed Him, He has never left me; instead, He leads me back into His arms and tells me to "try again". Every. Single. Time.
It should come as no surprise to me that Christians are self-composed, loving, patient people. (Or at least the Christians that I know). They have only been testimonies to God's extraordinary grace in their lives, and testimonies to the fruit of their deep relationship with Him. 
Indeed, His grace is all I need, and His power works best in my weakness.  I am humbled by the thought that He considers me worthy to be saved, and to do His works for His kingdom. 
And because of that, I feel eternally grateful. 
Truly, He is Love. And I have great joy because of the love that He has for me, this unworthy sinner whom He calls His.