I was thinking about my conversation with Christina & Carmen on Skype. They asked me what my passion is, and I said "people". Thus I began wondering. How do I love people more? How do I invest in the lives of the people put under my care?
And suddenly, this happened:-
"Lindley, do you love me?"
"Of course Lord!"
I payed attention quickly, because something told me that God was going to teach me something new today. Another aspect of love that I'd never really thought about.
Honestly, I felt it was like a trick question. Like really. God won't simply ask this kind of question without a purpose right! And I felt like I answered too quickly =.=
So. That question got me thinking. And I asked myself. Do I truly love God?
I think God must've seen my brain working overtime, because that's when He asked again:-
"What does love mean to you?"
"Well. Love. I think its sacrificial. Unconditional. You want to share the joys and pains of the people whom you love."
And then. I got stuck again in answering beyond that.
"Har. Takkan so shallow meh. I really don't know what love is! GG lor."
And then He asked again. "Think about it in terms of music. You know how much you love music. Think about the things you have done in pursuit of music."
It began to make more sense to me. Music. I've spent countless hours searching online for tutorials, for Youtube videos on instrumental music. For online sheet music that I wanted to play so badly. I visited music forums and shared my passion for music with the people there. I would study music, and be amazed at music's science. I spent hours playing the piano, just basking in the melodies that came with the tinkling of those black and white keys. And I experienced joy. I felt... connected. And it never failed to make me the happiest person on earth, after playing the piano.
"Go on. What would you be willing to do in pursuit of music?"
Well. I would... sacrifice my time just to learn about it. I would go to wherever music calls me. If it was to perform, or to study, or even make an observation, I would. I would teach music to people who can't afford it, just because I want them to have the same joy that I feel with music. The minute anyone asks me to do something that's got to do with music, I'd instantly say Yes. I wouldn't be selfish with the music scores that I found, because it truly gives me joy and I want others to feel the same way. The joy of finding a music sheet that is so rare. I would persevere until I find that rare score, and wouldn't budge till I find it.
"Now. Do you love me?"
At that moment, I was going "Oh crap. I knew this was a trick question!" And then I thought about it. I always say that I love God, and that I love people. But that 'love' cannot even be compared to the love that I have for my music. And then I started to see the analogy.
With music, I'd spend so much time and effort looking for music scores online. And these take hours. And I haven't been doing the same with God. I don't recall ever spending hours with God, just reading His word and being so excited about it as I am over finding a rare music score. I've never sacrificed as much time for God as I have for music.
With music, I'd persevere till I find that rare music sheet. Nope. I've never persevered with God. Not in the sense that I backslid and turned my back on God, but more towards not persevering to hear from God during my quiet times with Him. I never was patient enough to wait for Him to speak to me. I'd wait for 2 minutes, and then think to myself, "Hm. God's not speaking today. Imma go do something else". I've also never persevered in prayer. After 2 weeks of praying for the same thing with God not answering, I'd give up totally. I never persevered enough for God to answer my prayers. Compare that to me not budging till I find a rare piano score. =.=
With music, I'd share my joy with anyone who was willing to listen. And the words coming from my mouth about how much I love music was nothing compared to my body language when talking about it. My eyes would widen and sparkle, I'd start speaking quickly and my hands would wave around the air, and there would just be some sort of joyful/bouncy emotion when I talk about music. I would constantly be smiling when I talk about music. And if I say I love God, it should be the same way when I talk to people about God, be it sharing the Gospel, or sharing my experiences with God. More often than not, I think I make Christianity seem like a very boring thing. I should be pumping with excitement for God when I tell people about Him! And it is not just by my words alone, but through my body language as well. People should see the joy that resonates within me just because I have Jesus. Also, I should be sharing the Gospel with anyone who was willing to listen because of the passion that I have for Christ.
With music, I'd instantly say Yes! to anyone who asks me to do something related to music. With God. Well. Not only would I say no, but I'd also at times grumble and ask "Why me-lah?..." followed with 1001 excuses on why I should not do whatever God asked me to do. If God were to ask me to go to Nepal to do missionary work, I'd most likely tell him "OMG CANNOT LAH GOD. Choose someone else can? I will die there. Like. Really. You know I cannot tahan one!". But with music, if someone were to ask me to go there to teach music to the kids there, or anything music related, I'd say "I'd love to go!" and equip myself so that I'd be able to get my message/teachings across.
Clearly, I didn't like where this was going. But really. God has His own ways of teaching you things. And at the most random of moments.
"God. If You ask me to compare You to music-ah, then really lor. It's like. I don't love you like that. And some more I've been telling people how much I love You. Woah. Really lor God. Now I feel quite emo."
I didn't hear Him laugh, but I definitely could feel Him smile.
And I didn't like what I heard next as well.
"Well. Now. You know what to do"
And at this point I could imagine God winking at me while He said that.
Of all the nerve! LOL.
*I'd like to think that God has a sense of humour."
Today's lesson hit me hard. And with God choosing the most random moments to teach me stuff like that, I could've missed it. The only reason why I didn't was because I got up today, and made it a point first thing in the morning to say "God. This is my first time doing devotions in the morning. Please make it worth it okay. Like. Don't make it discouraging for me. I want to hear from You today." So I guess, that tuned my ears to hearing from God, even with all the noise around me.
So. That was that. I thought our conversation ended there, and that was the lesson He had for me today. But wahlao! No lor. The speaker today asked us to open our bibles to Luke 10:25. Yes. The story about the Good Samaritan and loving your neighbour as yourself. And the speaker went through a few key points on how to love the people around you. Not necessarily the people whom you know personally. Just people.
And that. Answered the question that I first began this blog post with. How do I love people more? But that's another post for another day. (:
Really God? Not funny okay. I wasn't prepared for such a huge lesson today.
Or maybe I was. Because I felt like the happiest person in the world after. I felt blessed, and my spirit was renewed. (:
p/s: Thank You Father, for the lessons You teach me. And the ways in which You help me to see and understand things. <3 I'm sorry for all the times I nonchalantly said that I love You, without thinking about what it truly means to LOVE You. Help me to live the life that truly shouts "I LOVE JESUS" (:
2 comments:
beautiful!
got an accountability friend to help? haha :)
haha no. would you like to be my accountability friend? (:
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