Majesty

Today during worship, I was reminded about how there is no need to try to be perfect with the Father. Because He accepted us just as we are, faults and all, even before we accepted Him. 

"Your grace has found me just as I am, 

Empty handed but alive in Your hands" 

- Majesty, Hillsong United 

Thank You for Your amazing grace, and that I don't need to pretend to be perfect when I'm with You. Thank You that You've always created an avenue for us to be perfectly honest with You, to be our complete broken selves in front of You. 

Thank You that we live not trying to be perfect by our own efforts, but by Your spirit that makes us alive - constantly convicting us of our sin from within, and changing our hearts to live in line with Your will. 

Thank You for Your unending and unconditional love. And that we only need to lay our burdens down at Your feet. 

Such a loving Father. Help me to grow in my understanding of how deep and wide your love is for us. 

Your way

There was an image of us walking along the beach, holding; not each other's hands; but Jesus'. 

"As with cattle going down into a peaceful valley, the Spirit of the Lord gave them rest. You led your people, Lord, and gained a magnificent reputation."

- Isaiah 63:14

Jesus, help us do this right- your way, for Your glory, and Yours alone. 

serving a holy God

It was quiet, and it felt like it was the right atmosphere where I can finally sit down with God after a long day. I removed all distractions, prayed in tongues to prepare my spirit, talked a little to God, and began devouring His word...

Only to be interrupted by a knock on my door. 

I was definitely feeling annoyed. Of all times to be bothered. Impeccable timing. Glancing up halfway through my bible reading, I pulled myself off my bed and walked to the door with a tinge of annoyance. I opened the door, and found my sister waiting outside, asking me if I had already collected her iPod which I had sent a week earlier for repair. Understanding her disappointment, I tried to hide the annoyance in my voice, but perhaps, I didn't do it very well because she looked dejected after that, and walked downstairs to tell my dad to "collect it, because Lind can't get it yet."

I knew what was coming. My dad would be complaining about how I find it so hard to do small things for my family. Maybe it was instinct; maybe it's because you've lived with the same people for 22 years, that you know how they'd react to a situation. 

And I was spot on about my dad's remarks. Reminding myself to be patient, I tried to calmly explain how I have had deadlines to meet and I can't get off work by 5.30 (Apple closes at 6). More grumbles and insinuations from my dad about my character, and I was starting to get ticked off because he wasn't letting me explain myself. Fortunately, he went to his room, and I went back to mine to continue where I left off in my devotion. 

Except that I couldn't really do my devotion any more. More like, I didn't want to do it, because of what transpired between my dad and I. Then there was this little snide voice in my head going, "See. You weren't as polite as you hoped you'd be. You didn't really honor your dad. You have such an impure heart. How can you even bring yourself to even want to spend time with the Holy One?" 

I was about to agree with that little snide voice, when a smaller, gentler, but firm voice said, "But you don't come to Me trying to hold up an image of perfection. I don't want to see that. What I do want to see is you coming to Me, in prayer, with all your shortcomings, weaknesses, and sins. Lay them all down at My feet. I have redeemed you when I died for you on the cross, and because of that, you don't need to feel or be perfect in order for you to spend time with Me. You think that you're not worthy to spend time with me when you've 'sinned', because I am Holy. But you forget that you have been made righteous through Me. Coming to Me in prayer is not about trying to be perfect. It is about knowing and acknowledging that you need Me."

How apt, since I was reading the passage of Romans 6. 

"We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin." - Romans 6: 5-7

 "When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus." - Romans 6: 10-11

He whispered, "You live under the freedom of My grace."

I am once again humbled by my Dad and King. He knows that I have a tendency to strive for perfection in everything that I do, and He graciously reminds me that all I  need is Him. And that I don't have to tire myself out trying to make myself seem perfect (because it's something I will always fail at). 

I definitely serve a Holy God. But I also serve The One who is Love and Grace. :') 

Lord. You have a way of teaching me things. At the weirdest moments. I was praying about something else, and strangely, You've remained quite silent on that issue. But You've been teaching me other things. Reminding me to glorify You in everything that I do. It's great. And I'm excited for what 2013 has to bring. I want to experience more of You. I crave for this unspoken intimacy with You. I want to do so much more for You. But help me to be faithful in the small things that You've given to me as well. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. 

p/s: My dad came into my room just as I was finishing up this post, to tell me about a really cute Samsung advertisement, without any traces of annoyance in him. Well, that was a sudden change of mood. I have to admit that I was slightly taken aback, but I'd like to think it's God's little way of cheering me up. :) 

Oh. and here's the video, if you'd like to watch it. It really IS very cute :P 

CLICK!

patience

Lord,

I need patience. Patience to deal with people whom I easily get frustrated with and annoyed at. Patience to show them the love that You have for them, and to respond to them in a way that You would respond. 
This period of singlehood; there's much for me to think about. It's been a good time to take a step back and ponder over things, over myself, my future, and my future relationship. It's been a good time to realign my life to Your will. 
Teach me? I know that You've placed certain people in my life, and placed me in certain situations where You constantly challenge me to respond in love, and I've been failing miserably. 
Oh my goodness. Help me Lord. 

denial

I have a confession to make.


I am weak. So weak is my faith that I had to hesitate for awhile before answering, "Yes, He does speak to me. I hear Him," just so that I would not seem crazy. 
Can I honestly call myself a follower of Christ? Can I honestly say that I love Him with all my heart?Can I honestly say that I would follow Him to the cross, if need came to be? 
No. I can't.I would have denied Him. Just like Peter did. Three times. 
It is only by His grace and unending mercies that I am His child, and that I can call myself His. 
Forgive this wretched heart, O Lord. Forgive me for my weakness. Forgive me for my pride, for once thinking that I would die for my faith, if I had to. 
But more than anything, help me to first acknowledge You with conviction.Take me out of my comfort zone; out of my "Christian circle"; place me in waters where my faith will be tested.
But don't leave me Lord. Because this wretched heart,Needs You. 

The Potter's View

Adapted:

Lord. You know. I feel so consumed by this ‘thing’. I don’t even know what to call it. Dad’s not a bad person. He loves me, I know it. He shows it too, although indirectly. But after years of growing up with a man I couldn’t rely on, I learned to do things for myself. And now, I know so many great guys. Guys who are God-fearing, compassionate, kind, intelligent, everything. They seem like the perfect catch. But, the minute I see negative aspects of my dad in them, I immediately turn away. I overlook their strengths and amplify their weaknesses instead. I know, that we’re all ‘works-in-progress’. But part of me just refuses to accept anything less than ‘the finished product’. I just want to buy something of the shelf, and not take a tour around the factory that produces them. I don’t want to be involved in the process of investing in their lives to make them into men. And that’s my problem. Lord. I need to get out of this, but I don’t know how. It’s holding me back…from a great relationship with an amazing man that you’re working on. I know I’m not perfect myself. I’m highly flawed. But still. I just can’t accept even the slightest flaws in the guys around me.

“You are the potter, I am the clay. Mould me and make me, this is what I pray”. 

Child. I know the hurts that you’ve been through. I’ve seen you ever since you were first conceived in your mother’s womb. And I love you despite all the flaws that you have, and the flaws that you think you have. But I AM the potter. And you are the clay. And I love you even though you’re still in the process of being a ‘display item’ on the shelf. And there’s a lot of heartache that goes through that process, girl. Times when you cracked, or times when your shape didn’t turn out the way I intended it to be. Or maybe the color just wasn’t right. The volume, the depth. Yet, I still kept working. I still am. It is a painful process. Reconstructing you. Taking the time to guide you in life, to see the choices that you made, both good and bad. And yet, I still chose to hold on to you. To keep spinning that potter’s wheel. Because I see the potential that you have in you, to become a beautiful vase to put colorful flowers in. It’s been a long process. And yet, the clay, unrefined, in My hands, you are precious because I see the potential in you, as a finished product. Of course, time and time again, there’ll be minor chips here and there. And I’d still have to constantly patch you up. But that’s the beauty of it all. The process of making you what you will be in the end. To know that something so beautiful could come out of something so unrefined. Surrender your hurts to me child. I know that you’ve longed for a father whom you could be affectionate with. Someone whom you could depend on. Someone who was a little bit more supportive and strong, even emotionally. And I know that you’re tired of being independent. But you know that you can always rely on Me. You don’t need to carry this burden by yourself. Surrender them to me and I’ll teach you the joy of investing in the lives of the ‘boys’ around you. To help you see from the Potter’s view. To normal eyes, clay is just that. Clay. But a Potter sees clay differently. He imagines it as the finished product. He imagines the various beautiful shapes and designs that could arise out from just that piece of clay. Child. Do not set unrealistic expectations of yourself, and of people. Instead, take the time to enjoy the process of moulding them into amazing men of God. That is your duty as their sister in Christ. And one day, you will be proud of how far they have come. Be patient, child. And remember, that I love you very much. And that I took that clay, and started to form you into something beautiful. And I’m still doing that every day. I’m moulding you and making you into a woman of great strength and character, not to be self-sufficient, but to support and invest in the life of a man who will be very important in your life- your husband. And to invest in the people around you. That’s what it means to invest. To take time, to correct them, to guide them gently, instead of expecting a finished product waiting for you to pick off the shelf. The value lies in the process of making, My child. Not in the finished product itself.

Lord. That was amazing. I never saw it that way. Thanks for putting things into perspective for me. I’ll try. And Lord. I pray for patience and strength to invest in the lives of the boys around me, into making them men. I want to see them mature. And I want to be proud of them. But it’s really so hard. And I’m tired. I guess I do expect Mr Perfect to drop from the sky. Thank you Lord. I love being called your child.

I know. And that’s why I always call you that. Don’t forget that I created you. I knew you ever since you were in your mother’s womb. I know your desires, your thoughts, your fears and insecurities. And I also know what you love. Take comfort in that My child. That I will always love you unconditionally. And that I chose to die for you on the cross, just because I love you.

Day 15- THE Phrase

"Lord Jesus, I accept You as my personal Lord and Saviour".
That phrase has changed my life. I'd like to be dramatic and say that it changed my life the moment I uttered it, but it didn't. But life certainly has changed ever since Jesus came into my life. My perspective of life, life's purpose, the people around me, the things that I do. Now all of them have meaning. They're all fulfilling. 
********Life hasn't been any easier with You, You know. Actually it's been harder. I've been through failure- twice. My hopes were crushed. Circumstances prevented me from going to church. I struggle with a lot more things now; like aspects of my character which are not pleasing to You, and even church.  
But You have brought me through them all. You have showed me what faithfulness is. You taught me the meaning of unconditional love and acceptance. You have been my friend. You were there when I cried my heart out over my breakup with Ken. You were there when I failed miserably in Engineering. You were there when I almost had to transfer out of Monash. 
More importantly, You're still here in my life, right now. Seeing me through all the moments. And the best part is, You know how I feel, perfectly. I don't need to struggle for words to express how I truly feel. Or to hold those tears back so I can form coherent sentences. The countless times I have 'abandoned' You for other things, You took me back into Your arms without making me feel small. You're full of grace. And now I truly understand the lyrics of that song:-

It's Your kindness Lord, that leads us to repentance.Your favor Lord, is our desireIt's your beauty LordThat makes us stand in silenceYour love, Your love, is better than life
We can feelYour mercy fallingYou are turning our hearts back againHear out praises rise to heavenDraw us near LordMeet us here

Yes Father. Your love and kindness leads me to repentance. You're like a Dad I never had. Haih. Tearing as I blog this out. I really love You lah Dad. Like super. Sometimes I think it's so hard being a Christian, but I can never, and would not want to picture a life without You. I know I'm far from being the ideal Christian, but I wanna thank You for the journey that You're walking through with me. You have never failed to amaze me, time and time again. (: 
p/s: That's my letter to You (: Finally. Heh. pp/s: I pray that You build me up to become the woman You want me to be.